My husbands Aunt died yesterday of Ovarian Cancer. I do not know how he feels, as he is the strong, quiet type. I asked to go to the funeral with him and he said he wanted to go alone. I am not sure what to think or how to feel about that. There is so much duress in the family, and having married a woman outside of the reservation, has not helped Johnny's standings with his mother or brother. Actually he has not spoken to her in over 6 years since she asked him to choose his wife and kids or herself. (I know, illogical doesn't even begin to cover that one) He says he does not want a confrontation, and I understand that. (Though, I am in no shape to even entertain a confrontation.) Then there is the fact that she has no idea I have been sick. I just worry about him being alone with her and how his Aunt's death will affect him.
Sadly, this week so far has given me much reason to reflect on life's priorities and our ultimate appointment with death. I have thought about my own immortality, both the boys gerbils died (not a good thing when they are already so scared of death), Johnny's Aunt died and then I received the call I was praying so hard against. A dear friend lost their Aunt to cancer.
She fought so hard and lived life so fully, and yet in the end though her spirit was not overtaken, her body was overcome. Watching my friends go through this has been so hard. I have felt this struggle in the depths of my being and I feel as if a part of me lost the fight too. I have spent the last two days taking inventory in my own life.