About Me...

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In a nut shell : I'm a wife, a full time working mom, a teacher, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a decade long breast cancer survivor, and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Facing the Journey

MY JOURNEY

I awoke one morning to find my life had forever changed. My once carefree life had taken a sobering turn
down a road I never intended to trod. Once my eyes adjusted to the blur now surrounding me, I took a long look around myself this way and that. I stepped side to side, looking forward and backward but all I could see far and near was pain, all I could hear was doubt, all I could feel was the fear. Fear of this, my new reality,
trying to steal itself deep inside my soul.


This life of mine now to my dismay was caught short. All I once knew was no more. All I could embrace, all that was offered, was the uncertainty of this new journey beckoning me to follow. Why me? Why now? So deep within my soul I sought solace and comfort. I needed answers and yet the answers I sought were no where to be found. My spirit was not ready to give up and my heart not able to give in. A silent killer indeed had been let loose inside my body to destroy and seige what it could. Everywhere I turned I saw death's face staring back at me, biding for my strength and cutting deep into my determination. Death was begging me to give up and give in to it's grip. I could not escape the Grims reach as he tried to turn my joy into sorrow. Still I kept my footing and did not waver while the pull and the stench of fear itself kept calling out to me, tanting me and daring me to just give in to the inevitable.


Yet somehow life itself sought and strove to overcome. Although many poisons lay hold of me physically trying to rid my body of this beast called breast cancer I held to hope, to love and to faith with all my might. I held true as long as I could keep pushing forward, moving backward at times, but always fighting to overcome. I longed to finally wake up and find my life sentence suspended, having finally overcome by living, not dying. I sought to continually give way to strength, never giving in to defeat!


This journey of mine is not yet complete. I am still moving forward, even while taking a step backwards, seeking always to come full circle in this battle of mine. With every day I have another leg to go, and so I travel onward toward recovery...well being ... to new life and to a new beginning.

Christina

8 comments:

  1. And you WILL make it to that finishing line too!  With you all the way Christina and always here to listen too.   Jeanie

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  2. Christina keep the faith and I know you'll reach your goal of the finish line.  I can only offer you my words of encouragement, a hug through cyberspace and let you know I keep you in my thoughts and prayers always. My Sis Mary Ann is a 2 time breast cancer survivor as was my mother-in-law and several of my friends who are all doing great....so your goal toward recovery is very reachable.  Keep the faith, enjoy each day, laugh and keep reaching for your goals and you'll succeed. Arlene (AJ)

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  3. Keep on Christina...Keep on going...You are doing good!
    love ya,
    carlene

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  4. One step at a time, one day at a time, each moment, each journey I will be here cheering you on!! (Hugs) Indigo

    P.s. Kim's home now and left an entry in her journal. Indy
    http://journals.aol.com/rdautumnsage/ravens-lament/

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  5. Christina once again you have taken my breath away. Our family has often talked about the amazing strength and courage we have seen in those who are told they face this beast. Faith it seems would falter, yet grows to unimaginal bounds to the eyes of the beholder. Hope does not lie in the shadows, it grasp with great might, clinging to each new dawn. Love reaches out  in friendship to others who are told they now face this journey, bringing with it comfort, for they know they do not walk this journey alone. In faith, hope, and love, I share with you in thought and prayer, a bright new life and new beginnings.
    Love
    Debbie

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  6. Standing right beside you at the Finishing line...
    Cheering you on Christina... Keep the Faith!
    Hugs,
    Terri

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  7. Attitude, my oncologist told me, is 90% of the battle.  If you think you're beaten, you are.  When I was diagnosed with colon cancer you'd be surprised at the reactions I got.  They ranged from pity (which I hate) to an "oh well, you've got to die of something" stance on things.  In the process of accepting the simple fact that 10 out of 10 people die I found great strength and learned to LIVE every day as if it were my last.  After all...a car accident could kill me long before my cancer returns.  To my cancer I say...pppfffftttt...you do what you've got to do and I'll fight you every step of the way living my life to its absolute fullest!  
    Isaiah 41:13

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  8. Attitude, my oncologist told me, is 90% of the battle.  If you think you're beaten, you are.  When I was diagnosed with colon cancer you'd be surprised at the reactions I got.  They ranged from pity (which I hate) to an "oh well, you've got to die of something" stance on things.  In the process of accepting the simple fact that 10 out of 10 people die I found great strength and learned to LIVE every day as if it were my last.  After all...a car accident could kill me long before my cancer returns.  To my cancer I say...pppfffftttt...you do what you've got to do and I'll fight you every step of the way living my life to its absolute fullest!  
    Isaiah 41:13

    ReplyDelete

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