About Me...

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In a nut shell : I'm a wife, a full time working mom, a teacher, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a decade long breast cancer survivor, and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

The Blessings of Christmas

The Blessing's of Christmas

Blessings are sometimes the hardest things to really be thankful for. For sometimes we do not really understand them nor do we honestly see them for what they truly are...blessings of strength, character, family and tradition. No, so many times we see only the hardships, the pain and the uncertainty of what life is throwing our way at the moment.

This year I choose to embrace all my many blessings...

The beauty of December's Lights, the wonder of God's peace that comes in the gift of my children's' unconditional love. The blessings of tradition, both old ones and new. The blessing of living to see yet another Christmas and the pain of next years uncertainty. Not one of us are ever guaranteed tomorrow, so why do we fuss so much over the fear of what it may bring?

It is the simple pleasures that bring such HOPE to my heart. The blessing of hearing the Christmas bells and pipes just one year more. The blessing of finding yet another perfect tree and the journey of bringing it home. Witnessing the shinning radiant light in my children's eyes from where the star is hung is a blessing not to be missed. The blessing of not only hearing, but listening to my eldest sing in his first choir concert and the blessed pain of seeing him grow from a boy into a young man. What joys are to be held in the blessings of the season?

The blessing of giggles, laughter and the sharing of tears as Santa's letter is delivered. The wonder of His words of encouragement and magic. The blessings of bravery and courage that is bestowed upon your children as his letter is read aloud. The blessing that comes in knowing that for yet another year Santa's Secret is still secure within their hearts. The blessings of Christmas are bountiful if you only take the time to pay attention to them. The gift of the Son, and the faith found inside the humblest of hearts. The harps, the voices raised in majestic chorus and the power of one life can touch those in the darkest of places.

Though I have found this year to be harsh, I have found beauty as well and in both I have found the blessing of life. I am profoundly blessed to be loved and to be alive and to have found HOPE even in the midst of my fears. I am blessed to struggle and to cry and yet I am equally as blessed to know this peace that comes from experiencing both. I have been left to ponder and to puzzle the whys yet still I am blessed beyond comprehension. I am blessed to feel the embrace of my boys and their small hands within my own. I am blessed to wipe their tears away and to watch them sleep. I am blessed to sacrifice my own wants for my children and to lie next to my husband when the day has come to an end. I am truly blessed to gather around the table with my family and friends again this season. 'Tis true, I may at times feel swept under the tide, yet I am absolutely blessed to be aware that I am still alive to fight for my every breath.

When all is said and done, when the last ornament has come down and the last toast is made bringing in the new year, I will have been blessed beyond my heart's desires. The truth is that I may have suffered yet another loss or felt the string of cancer's grip yet again; but I will have lived to see another gingerbread house made, four more stockings hung and heard another carol sung. I will have been blessed to see my youngest turn eight and to listen to my eldest sing 'Believe' with all his tender heart. Yes, for another year I will have been blessed, so very blessed to have lived without regret.

So what do you ask is the blessing of the season? It is the gift of life, of heart and of spirit. Embrace this season my dear friends and keep it close. Take heart and take hold, embrace your loved ones, and impress the gift of your children's innocence upon your spirit. Hold onto all of these beautiful blessings for they are the glue that holds our hearts and souls together in this life we are so graciously blessed with.

Christina

Friday, December 7, 2007

Life's Dance


Life's Dance

How frustrating can life be? How painful can the dance be? But how beautiful can the embrace be! Maybe it could be better compared to the Paso Doble? Maybe the Tango? Either way it can be trying and beautiful, but if we didn't dance where would we be?

So many times cancer patients are just sort of 'handled' as if we are already dead. Do they really mean to treat you as if you are lifeless inside? No, I don't think so. But all the same they see the word 'cancer' on your file or they see your lack of hair, and the pain in your eyes and they simply write you off. In those moments they misjudge you, misread the pain for hallowness and see you very differently from themselves. Sounds crazy right? Yes, it does, but it so very true. I feel it all comes down to perception of the heart and spirit really.

It is fear that causes this kind of withdrawal. Sadly, we can go through life afraid of dying, afraid of feeling, but in the end we all have to die and in dying we all have to feel. If we could just take a step back, breath deeply , exhale and then view our lives through our spirit, the wonders we would see! How deeply we would feel and how richly we would live! But if we continue to live on the outskirts of life, how much do we miss?How much do we not see or who do we not touch with our own spirit?

Life is a dance and it calls to us, beckons us out and onto the dance floor. How long we watch from the sidelines is up to us, but if we wait too long we will never have the chance to move across the floor, to embrace life, to feel, to hope , and to share our love. At times we move freely, gracefully and at other times we move clumsily, unsure of ourselves. Maybe it hurts, and maybe it takes our breath away, but how deeply, how wonderfully can we celebrate our victories? How precious are those painful yet meaningful defeats?

As for myself, life has been brutal sometimes, and yes there are times I fly to the sidelines. But at the end of the day I choose to dance, to always return to the floor. I may recede behind the curtain from time to time to rest, to catch my breath, but I will always dance. Life is a beautiful, sometimes painful dance, but a fantastic dance non the less. So I am ready to take to the dance floor once again whether I fall, slip, trip or glide I will dance!

Christina