About Me...

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In a nut shell : I'm a wife, a full time working mom, a teacher, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a decade long breast cancer survivor, and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Monday, February 18, 2008


Facing Death Bravely

The thought of both death and life go hand in hand just as fear and loss live within each of us everyday. Maybe there are those days that we manage to toss it in the corner, or hide it away in a drawer, but the truth is that it never really escapes us. We go through our lives day to day, living with no fear of what the next turn may bring. But then one day we wake up and we know that something is wrong. We can feel it deep within our bones, within our souls and we tremble with the loss our spirits have awakened with. A letter suddenly arrives, the phones rings at a late hour and we just know...something is not right, something is wrong, something terrible has happened.

Death has arrived, grief has grabbed hold of us, shaking us by our shoulders and is digging her cold claws into our hearts. How I hate those kind of days. The kind when you wake up in the morning with a dear ones' soul alive seemingly well, and go to bed at night with grief as your bed fellow. Death? How we love and hate it. A kind of cat and mouse game that always seems to sneak up on us when we least expect it too.

The grieving and the loss of a loved one can be almost to much to bear and yet the lives of those we lose can truly inspire us to live bravely, to fight another day. In my own battle with this beast, this cancer, this death that looms over head continually tring to drag my soul into deaths' darkness, I find myself cursing death. Yet the truth is, I know I will have to welcome it at some point if I am to live my life with peace as my companion. I know too that for as long as I breath I will continue to struggle to live my life circling around death, trying to out smart death, even going into hand to hand combat with death herself. Finally I know that the time will eventually come for me accept my fait and to walk gracefully beside death as we journey to the grave together. Yet acceptancing death seems to be almost clear contradiction as I find myself fighting the Reaper for I simply do not wish to give in to her demands. But is that not the battle inside all of us? Are we not playing a tug-a-war game with death as she stands with her sickle in one hand, pulling us toward her while staring us down eye to eye? I refuse to give up yet !

I know I cannot go on fighting forever, so while I still can, I will live loudly. Life is precious, life is fleeting and live we must while we are still given breath. I fear not my death, I only pray that I will not fear the quantity, but find my joy in the quality. My truest desire is to live bravely as those that I have loved and lost have so done before me.

I grieve your loss my sisters... Kim and B.J. I will always love you.


Friday, February 1, 2008

This is the Story of a Girl...

This is the Story...

This is the story of a girl born to laugh and to love, to hope and to dream. A girl who learned to cry and wipe away her own tears. This is the story of a girl who grew up to be a wife and a mother, a fighter, and a survivor.

This is my story...

As a child I learned to love and to laugh. I found joy in the simple pleasures of childhood, the days spent with my mother running in the fields of imagination and the hours spent serving my father tea along side my best friend Raggy Ann.

As I grew from a little girl into an awkward young woman I learned to dream and to hope. By day I scribbled my heart's desire down on paper and by night I ventured off to far away places in my drams. I longed to set my soul free, reach for mountain tops and soar above the clouds.

As time passed, so did the years and I became a woman. Life moved forward... love found me and I became a wife. Marriage and love, new hopes, new dreams and another soul to walk along this journey found me. Time marched forward and motherhood was knocking at my door. Gifts times two were granted to me, two sons, an older one and a younger I was blessed with.

Birthdays came and went by, 28, 29 and 30. I was officially thirty something, not exactly aged to perfection, but blessed with life, love and dreams. Then seven months following my thirty-second birthday I learned what it really felt like to cry hot, soul stinging tears. I went into an operating room with dreams and hopes, a life I took forgranted and a heart full of youth. I came out scared, uncertain and older.

As time has marched on I have learned to live with the uncertainty of this thing called BREAST CANCER. I have learned to cry and to laugh, to struggle and to fight, to hope and to dream and to become a survivor. I fear dying too young even as I imagine myself free from this beast. I can win this battle, I can beat this cancer and I can survive if the fates so allow.

Fear, uncertainty, loss, grief, pain and cancer. Strength, desire, uncertainty, loss, hope and cancer. All these parts make up this story. The story of a girl, a daughter, a wife and a mother. A story of hope and of life. The story of a dreamer, a fighter and a survivor... this is my story, this is my life, this is my greatest adventure...