About Me...

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In a nut shell : I'm a wife, a full time working mom, a teacher, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a decade long breast cancer survivor, and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Monsters Under the Bed

The Monsters Under the Bed


Life is constantly changing. The tides are always turning and the sun never fails to rise nor to set. Life moves forward whether you are ready for it to or not. I have watched the last 2 years of my life carry on. Yes there have been those days that I have been dragged along quite literally with my feet kicking and my arms flailing. But non the less I have woken up to meet and greet a new day. So life's changes, the cycles change and the circle goes unbroken.

With all we have been through as a family we have lived out loud in spite of this beast breathing down our necks. We have made memories, rejoiced in the victories and held our hope close as we ran through the darkness of cancer. So these last two weeks have proven to be just another turn in the circle of life for us.

Over the last 20 months I have watched my boys grow as all children do. Yet, as a mother and a young breast cancer survivor, I have looked at them with double vision. I have seen what life should have been, could have been if this beast had skipped over us. But I have also seen what life has been since this beast attacked us. Mostly though, I have just lived in the moment with hope and courage in spite of the monsters that keep forming above our heads. I have watched my boys sport pink tops proudly, holding my hand walking closely next to their bald mother, and have seen their souls shine beautifully for all the world to see

What about their fear and uncertainty? How do they see this beast and how do they face the monsters that creep out from under the bed at night? I know that I have heard the whispers and seen the reaper stalk me with her sickle when the lights go out. So I wonder how do such small children learn to ignore the shadows that try and steal their hope away?

I have seen such strength and courage in my boys. I have learned to laugh and giggle right along side of them. My boys have taught me to be brave despite the fire breathing dragon an inch from my nose! So it was with both tears and pride I watched as my oldest graduated from 5th grade this week. I had tears falling down my face as he and his friends rounded the corned carrying signs and dancing as the parents, staff and the school clapped them out and onto 6th grade. My heart filled with joy as I thought of all he has been through. I have watched him struggle with my illness and watched his grades slip. And just as my heart has broken I have seen him pick himself up and pull himself right back up and together again. He has learned to fly and soared this last year. In my son I have seen such strength and courage within his soul. Instead of giving up and drifting with the current, he has ridden it all the way into the shore.

Again, I say life changes. The circle of life is ever moving yet always constant. We cannot change the course we are given, but we can learn to navigate through it with hope and tenacity. Truly just as I am learning this lesson we must all learn to live with purpose realizing our lives our given to us by Divine design. That's the gift that my children have give me... to live every moment even if it may be your last always determined to rise above the turbulence. Always ready to take a deep breath, shake off your fears and go. Because when all is said and done and life has completed it's course around the sun you will have to face the unknown. But if you have lived with hope and courage you can step off that last step with the knowledge that you have truly lived a life that will be remembered.


Christina

6 comments:

  1. A very touching journal read dear. So glad you are doing well.  Cancer does play so many emotional ups and downs in any family going through it.  We lost our brother in law Ron to melanoma and brother in law Bill just diagnosed with prostrate cncer, but hopefully finding it early and his treatments will go well for him. My Sis Mary Ann is a two time breast cancer survivor and I know what she has gone through and so proud of her for hanging in there, was her hubby Ron who passed last year, but Sis is working, involved with her church, card clubs and a grief support group and bless her helping others who need it. Through Sis and our other loved ones we have learned to make the most of every day and live it to the fullest.  Sounds like that is what you are doing, so proud of you and your family. Bless you all. Arlene (AJ)  

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  2. I have always lived by my saying.."If God lets me put both feet on the floor each day.. then I will make good use of that blessed day".  I thanked God for that each day of my cancer treatment Christina.  We learn to be thankful for the small things and the good things that come our way each day.
    Bless you and your family for your wonderful values.
    Hugs
    Jeanie xx

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  3. I have always lived by my saying.."If God lets me put both feet on the floor each day.. then I will make good use of that blessed day".  
    I thanked God for that small blessing each day of my cancer treatment Christina.  We learn to be thankful for the small things and the good things that come our way each day.
    Bless you and your family for your wonderful values.
    Hugs
    Jeanie xx

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  4. Christina I had tears flowing down my cheeks as I read this. You inspire me daily. Congratulations on your eldest Graduating from 5th grade. Your boys make ME proud. You did good by them dear friend. You raised them with love, awareness, compassion and empathy. No matter what may lay in the path ahead those things you can be sure of always. Thank you, for sharing this journey with me and inviting me along into your world. It's a treasure that makes me cry at times and in the same moment lets my heart sing for the courage and wisdom you share. (Hugs) Indigo

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  5. For some reason I think of a Nabokov quote when I read this:
    When we remember our former selves, there is always that little figure with its long shadow stopping like an uncertain belated visitor on a lighted threshold at the far end of some impeccabley narrowing corridor.

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  6. Congratulations to your son on his 5th grade graduation! Your proudness shines as you speak of him.Coping with the monsters under the bed brings a family closer together and brings all to the realization that love can conquer anything thrown at them on this path of life. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
    Love & Hugs
    Debbie

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