About Me...

My photo
In a nut shell : I'm a wife, a full time working mom, a teacher, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a decade long breast cancer survivor, and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

An Unlikely Gladiator

Since my battle with breast cancer began I have been called many things from 'Trooper' to 'Fighter' to 'Gladiator'. An unlikely gladiator at best I would say, but in looking back, I am truly humbled by the journey. I have lived and learned from this beast as I have watched others dear to me fall in their own battle. Living in the shadows can be menacing, but life in the mouth of the beast is harsher than her shadow. Stepping into the Cancer Arena can be terrifying as you meet your opponent and deafening as you adjust to the roaring spectators that surround you on all sides. You have been given no training for this chilling combat. Truthfully you have just been thrown into this battle as your feet struggle to hold the ground below them. Suddenly the realization hits you smack in the face that you may indeed be condemned to death if you can not find a way to out wit, out smart, out last and out fight this beast.

The darkness that has been clouding your view, fades as the beast rises, her claws drawn and teeth bared. Her shadow no longer in the distance, no, she is on the hunt and upon you. She is breathing down your neck ready to embrace in this mortal combat. Her master has set her lose within the corners of this arena with you as her prey. The crowd, some here have come to cheer you on while others have come solely as spectators for entertainment value of the fight. Many see you as weak, unable to fight and they have stood to their feet cheering the beast on. In that moment your head falls, and your heart quiets, and you rise, battle ready. Even though you have been disgraced by your loss of hair, and the new tattooed scar across your chest that burns, you advance with your head shielded and your sword drawn. You will not advertently give this beast the victory. No, you are not done yet and you will fight till the death if necessary!

Truly you were not born to live this life, to battle as a gladiator in such an arena as this, yet here you are.You have risen to the impossible and with each day you are one day closer to the final victory. In life and in death you are determined to bring the beast down. You have been dressed in armor and given a sword and a shield. The gate has been lifted again and again. You have been given no choice, you must fight to live or give into sudden death. So you fight, throwing yourself at your opponent wildly and bravely. Every time you enter the arena of the beast you feel your hope burn and your body weaken yet you choose to fight. As time passes your heart breaks as fellow warriors fall, and fall they do and yet you must still move forward. In the darkness of the shadows you rest gathering hope and determination, longing to be awarded victory and earn your freedom.


A Gladiator, maybe, unlikely for certain. Warrior yes, in spirit and in body for you have earned each and every battle scar. As you move into the arena daily you shout to your opponent' Bring it on' as you continue to gain the confidence you need to slay the beast. For now you have kept her at bay, circling her, charging at her, not quite slaying this beast as of yet. Her time will come though, even if the beast must fall with you. Her time will come, just as your time will come to wear the Laurel Wreath.


Christina

4 comments:

  1. You write sagely, but then, you have been down many difficult roads to get here( as I am sure she has). All the background noise of society slips away reading this. ~Mary

    ReplyDelete
  2. What an amazing Insight Christina and a lovely tribute. I have the stangest feeling that when I go to sleep shortly I will dream of this. I had better move any close objects as my mister man will surely bear the brunt! ;-) You rock lady! Love Pam xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your bravery has never ceased to amaze me, for that matter anyone who is given this battle for their life. It's a wonderful tribute to one of the fallen warriors, who I have no doubt fought valiantly till the end. Keeping fighting my dear friend, I'm in your corner cheering you on. (Hugs)Indigo

    ReplyDelete
  4. May she rest in peace.
    Hugs
    Debbie

    ReplyDelete

Please leave your comments and share your thoughts.