About Me...

My photo
In a nut shell : I'm a wife, a full time working mom, a teacher, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a decade long breast cancer survivor, and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Life After Breast Cancer...


As a young woman I didn't think too much about breast cancer. I figured that I would deal with it when I was older. I had time to figure it all out later, right? Well later came much sooner than I expected. Twenty came, and so did 30 yet I was young, not nearly old enough to battle breast cancer. How wrong I was! So I was in shock when I felt a lump in my breast. I was in even more shock when at 32 years old I was heard the words breast cancer as my own personal diagnosis. Suddenly breast cancer was bidding for an up close and personal relationship with me.


Breast Cancer? Someone had to be kidding right? No, no one was pulling my leg. I was too young. I was not ready to succumb to life with breast cancer, not at 32 years old. I wasn't ready to have my breast removed and thrown in the waste basket along with my chest wall. I mean that is exactly what happened. No, I wasn't ready to have the plastic surgeon inject 100 plus cc's of saline into my expander twice a week. That was crazy, right? But it was "our" plan of action even though it was absolutely painful beyond any words that I can describe here. Chemo wasn't my plan either nor did I really relish the idea of having all my hair fall out. But that is what happened. That is where life took me.


To the world I put on a brave face, but I did cry inside. I mourned and grieved over this change of events in my life. There were days that I felt I wasn't strong enough, brave enough to face the outside world. But I did and I did it everyday. I wasn't trying to pull anyone out of their comfort zone when I finally stood up to cancer. No, I learned to live with my new face to the world. Sure I didn't bother to put makeup on after my brows and lashes fell out. I gave up the wig and incorporated bandannas into my daily fashion. I was living with breast cancer. It was a statement to the beast. I was taking my life back! Honestly I found my strength in living out loud. After all I was still among the living even if I looked the walking dead. As time went on I adjusted to having one breast and no hair. Somewhere along the journey I found my true self and I grabbed hold of it as tight as I could. Life after breast cancer was just that... life. I lived and I am still living. In the days since I met this beast I have embraced my trials. No it hasn't been easy. But the truth is it is harder to fear the enemy than it is to dance with her.


True, I live with a new reflection in the mirror. Everyone's battle is different. But we are all SURVIVORS! I am survivor and I have found myself in a place where I don't fear the physical side of the beast anymore.Whether I liked it or not, life has changed. Breast cancer not only tore my life into pieces, it left me standing with the broom! So what did I do about that? Well, I dropped that broom for one! Threw it across the room and left it there. I ripped off the wig and shouted a war cry as loud as I could muster. Then I knelt down and took a good look at what was left of my life. To my surprise most of me was still there, scattered around the floor of my heart, but there all the same. I was Christina, a fighter, a pink warrior. I was not going to give in or give up! So gently, over time I have gathered up all those broken pieces. I found my voice, and accepted the new woman I had become and then I began the process of putting my life back together.


I won't say it been easy, it hasn't, that is for sure. Breast cancer is a BIG thorn in the side ,but life is still beautiful. There is so much life after breast cancer to be lived. Sure it may not be the same life I had before or the one I had hoped for. But it is my life, and my fight! I am not chained to this disease nor am I overcome by it. I live as a free woman. I am living life everyday, a day more than I had yesterday. The beast may stare me down, she may raise her claws to my chest, but breast cancer will never have me! I say... live free or die trying!


Christina

17 comments:

  1. With tears ... big Hugs!

    A battle for the women in my family all different styles of attacks, but I still keep going on.

    Love,
    Ann

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Christina,So happy I have managed to find your blog.It takes quite a time to find everyone it all being so new to us refugees as we are calling ourselves over from J/land.What an inspiration you are my dear and I am so looking forward to reading more of you.What a beautiful family you have.All so pretty.My prayers will be with you always.We have many survivors of that dreaded big C here that have come over from aol.So glad Indigo introduced us all to you.Take Care God Bless Kath xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. My Brave sweet friend. You inspire and keep the battle cry roaring in our ears! Thank you for making this move..(Hugs)Indigo

    ReplyDelete
  4. So happy you decided to make the move over to Blogger. I'm glad I found you by way of Indigo.

    We are all here for you.

    Hugs, Rose

    ReplyDelete
  5. You are one amazing women and a hero to many. Take care and be good to yourself,
    Katie

    ReplyDelete
  6. Right on, Girlfriend! You keep on keeping on. So glad you created here on blogspot and pulled over your journal from AOL. Welcome to the family.
    Karen

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, my goodness....you are such an amazing individual! God Bless You! You have such a powerful statement & testimony. I am so glad that you came over to blogger....I want to get to know you better. I'm looking forward to a long journey with you!

    HUGS:)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great post! You have a lot to say, keep on!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can only hope if I must ever face the beast I find the strength and courage to live free or die trying as you do.
    Hugs
    Debbie

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi. I come here by way of yours and my good friend, Indigo. I just wanna welcome you to blogger. I'm also an ex aol'er. I recently started my blog here. I dunno how but I've never had the privilege of reading your reads, so I'll make up for that now.
    Hope you're ok hun,

    Lv Stevie
    xxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are really a powerful survivor. I know your roar is going to be heard by many who will need the inspiration to keep fighting and facing their beast. Bless you....Chris

    ReplyDelete
  12. I don't know Christina, I really think some parts of life are preordained, not fated, just destined. You may've already touched someone in a way that changed their lives. Or given hope to a hopeless soul. In reflecting your disease as it changes, you've adapted to a true horror and that makes you more than a survivor I'd say. Makes you an example of humanity at its finest. http://cathy-daretothink.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi Christina, I found you by way of Indigo. I thought if Indigo likes you I would...then I came over here and see you have LONGHORN fans in your family! I thought well that settles it I'm clicking on "follow this blog!"

    Looks like you are a survivor and I am looking forward to reading your blog and getting to know you!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Here I am Christina... with you at last on Blogger!..You have done a grand job of your journal here and.. you have lots of aol refugee friends into the bargain. Wonderful!
    I'm looking forward to visiting with you again.
    Love
    Jeanie xx

    ReplyDelete
  15. Welcome to Blooger, I am so glad you can join us. I found your blog from Indigo's link and was inspired. Thank you for sharing.
    Regards,
    BJD

    ReplyDelete
  16. A very moving and emotional, strong entry. :) Thankyou for sharing your triumph and will to live. It is truly inspiring. Hugs, Kelly

    ReplyDelete

Please leave your comments and share your thoughts.