About Me...

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In a nut shell : I'm a full time working mom, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a breast cancer survivor of almost a decade and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Mending the Broken Pieces, My Conversation With God...

Christina---
God, are you there?


God----
Yes child.

Christina---
Have I disappointed you?

God ---
No, not at all child.

Christina---
Are you sure God?

God---
I am sure.




Christina---
Then why has this happened?
Why me?
Why my life and my family?
Why have You allowed this beast to drag me into her den?
To feast upon me, and scar me like she has?
Can't I just stay here, in the darkness... forever?
Can I choose to forget everything?
To just sleep.
To be rid of her scales?
God?
I am really tired.
I do not want to battle this merciless beast.
I do not! I do not! I do not want to!

God---
Christina...breathe.
Stop holding your breathe.
Go on, child just breathe .

Christina---
(Loud exhale)

God---
Ah, doesn't that feel better?
Wake up now.

Christina---
No, I don't want to.

God---
But it's time...
Open your eyes, Christina.

Christina---
I don't think so God.
No, I just don't think I am ready.

God---
Open your eyes Christina.

Christina---
Not yet.

God---
Christina...
Please open your eyes?

Christina---
I told You,
I'm not ready.

God---
Christina,...
Do You trust Me?

Christina---
But I'm scared.
I'm scared to see all I have lost.

God---
Lost?
What have you lost?

Christina---
My breast,
my life,
all that I have known.

God---
Child open your eyes.
See all you have been given.

Christina---
Been Given?
Are you kidding me?
How do You figure?
Haven't I just lost my breast?
What have I been given God?
Have You seen me lately?

God---
Yes, I have.

Christina---
What are you trying to tell me God?
Are You saying I am not deformed?
You don't see my uniboob?
Come on God...
do I really have to, spell it out,
let the -cat- out of- the- bag
here for You?
After all You did create me with two.
Let's do the math...
Two minus one equals...
One!!!!!!!
Don't You think something is just a bit , well, off here?

God---
I see you child.
I see your spirit.
I see your soul.
I can see all that you were.
I see all that you are.
And I see all that you will be.

Christina---
Will be?
Um...
No breast here God!
What can I be except a freak of nature?

God---
Need I remind you child ...
I am the One who created nature?
I see the woman you have become.
I see the mother you are.
I still see in you...
the child you once were.
I see My daughter...
I see her is standing in front of me, completely whole.

Christina---
You see me ... whole?

God---
Child, I see all these things.
Do you not know this already?

Christina---
But God...

God---
But what child?
Can you not see?
Have I not given you insight?
Look!
Open your eyes...
See all your life...
It is waiting for you.
All you need to do is ,
wake up and
open your eyes.

Christina---
How can I?
I just want to sleep.
Can't I just stay here in the darkness?

God---
No, child.
That is not My plan for you.

Now Wake Up!

Christina---
But my eyes are still closed.

God---
Then open your eyes Christina!
Wake up child.
Don't look back.
Don't look beside you.
Look only to the front of you.
See all the beauty,
the joy and
the hope yet to come.
After all this time,
my child...
don't you yet know?
It is I, holding your heart?

I AM always with you.
I have never left your side.

Christina---
But I'm afraid.

God---
I know.
Take My hand.

Christina---
I don't want to see the scar.

God---
What scar?
I don't see a scar child.

Christina---
You don't!
Are you sure, God?

God---
Yes child, I am very sure.
I only see you.
I give you this promise:
All your worries,
I will replace with Strength.
All your fears,
I will replace with Hope.
All your pain,
I will replace with Courage.

Child, I will not leave you!
I will not turn My back on you.
Child... wake up.
Open your eyes.
It is time.

Christina---
Just breathe?

God---
Yes.

Christina---
OK...
One.
Two.
Three.

Johnny---
Christina,
Are you OK?

Christina---
I will be.

Johnny---
Are you sure?

Christina---
Yep.
I have His promise.

Johnny---
Who?
What?
His promise?

Christina---
God said,

"He would mend all my broken pieces".

Johnny---
What?

Christina---
I just need to trust Him!







7 comments:

  1. It is not the body who defines you. It is that which is within you, the Spirit within you that is truly who you are. You are whole, perfect and complete regardless of what your body looks like. We are not our bodies. Know the beauty and truth of you from within. my prayers are with you. Hugz~kbear

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  2. I hope someone who is better at this than I am, reads this entry and leaves a better comment than this scribble.

    Certainly, I can apperciate this entry, and yes indeed we are all stronger at the broken places!!

    Sometimes, people mistake being positive as being unreal, as if life is to hard or we are in denial. For me, it is 'what else do you got?' if you aren't going to believe and have faith? This doesn't mean you can't have 'moments' and wonder and opely question. Mother Thersa had her doubts and questions as well... but she is remembered for going on, and going on.

    Perserverance counts more than people give it credit for. perseverance doesn't mean you are in denial. I think that it means that you are more aware, and you make the conscious choice to go on, and if you call on your faith, then call on it. That is what it is their for.

    Like 'patience', 'faith' is a verb in my language. It is something you do, and it is work. Anything worth having is going to take work, not waiting for something to happen. Anywho, way, way cool post, and I thank you for sharing.

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  3. It was my sister's faith in God that saw her through. No matter how heavy the load God was by her side with open arms to lead her, carry her, and give her comfort. She opened her eyes and said, "Thy, will be done" and God granted her peace. It's amazing what God's love for us can do to soothe our souls.
    Love & Hugs
    Debbie

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  4. Without our belief in God we are lost souls. I am so glad to see that He has been with you all the way...in the shape of your family and friends.
    Much love Christina.
    Jeanie xxxx

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  5. Fight on ~ Shine on! Hugs....Lesa :)

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  6. *Tears*

    Never let go of God's hand Christina...for he is with you always!!!

    Keep the Faith...

    We are walking this journey along side you...hand in hand..and are always here for you!!!

    Big Hugs!
    Terri

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  7. I distincely remember having this argument with Creator. My words were not so kind...it ended with something to the nature of saying he was a cruel SOB. The first two years following my deafness left me in torment, questioning everything.

    4 years later the pieces fit together. My hearing never made me whole, my struggle, my spirit, my strength made up the bits and pieces of who I am.

    Perhaps dear friend, you weren't whole with 2 breast. It took this struggle, this battle to find the complete you, the courageous you, the compassionate you. Do I wish you never had to endure this to find the rest of what you could be, or the silence that haunts me daily to be who I am...a thousand times over.

    But would you and I have had this chance to cross paths if it had not been so? I ponder that often. Your in my thoughts dear one. I've never seen you any other way BUT as a whole complete woman. (Hugs)Indigo

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