Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wonder Woman, I Am Not!
As a little girl, I always wanted to be Wonder Woman. What little girl wouldn't want to twirl around transforming into her extraordinary alter ego? Like so many girls my age I dreamed about putting on this super heroes golden tiara and cuffs, red boots, snazzy one piece suit and of course her lasso of truth? The hours I would spend daydreaming, imagining and pretending to be this amazon princess...
My parents still love to tell the story of when I was two years old and how I convinced myself I was indeed Wonder Woman. I climbed up and onto their chest of drawers with a cape (made from a towel) tied around my neck. Apparently in the very early hours before the sun rose they awoke to catch a glimpse of my tiny body projecting off their dresser, flying over their heads and across the bed all while shouting " Wonder Woman!".
After all these years I guess it still comes down to my love of Wonder Woman. I am sure that it comes as no surprise to anyone who knows me as 'Christina, Breast Cancer Warrior' also knows my heroine is still indeed Wonder Woman. Apart of the everyday working world she is Diana Prince, seemingly ordinary( wearing big bold glasses and her hair up) . As part of the Amazon beauties she is known as Princess Diana, a super heroine whose powers allows her to catch super villains and super villainesses ( all the while wearing high heeled boots and free flowing hair) .
There are times I still try and imagine myself as Wonder Woman. The scene that plays in my mind is between our heroine and Carlo Indrezzano. (It goes something like this. Carlo Indrezzano: YOU saved me? Wonder Woman: Yes. Carlo Indrezzano: Impossible. You're a woman! Wonder Woman: I have heard that once or twice before. ) But the truth is this: I am no super heroine. I have no theme music, no costume, or any twirling transformation which dissolves me from ordinary to extraordinary. I do not possess any kind of super powers, extraordinary beauty, or any such gadgets. I cannot twirl around and have perfect, beautiful put together cleavage. I do not possess a lasso of truth enabling me to force doctors and insurance companies to admit the truth to me. Nor do I own a pair of bracelets allowing me to deflect cancer bullets.
What I do have is Hope, Courage and Strength. I do hold faith in this power I have as a woman, as a mother and as a survivor. I do not believe my own Feminine Mystique been any less dampened because I have only half the cleavage as before. What I do have is the strength as a woman in both my family and my children . I have lost nothing and gained everything in letting go of my childhood fantasies. Instead of balancing an alter ego ultimately it is Hope and the legacy I leave behind for my children that guides me day to day as a woman.
As a little girl I could not have imagined my life would have taken so many detours. I could not have ever written a script any wilder than the one my life has been cast into. As a little girl I wanted to live on an island, far away. As a grown woman I know that no one can exist as an island unto themselves. As a little girl I wanted to be beautiful, flawless. Enduring my own battle scars I have learned outward beauty is merely skin deep. The real deal is always found just below the surface. As a child I dreamed of great strength, shouting to the villains, "Show's over boys". My childlike imagination was fearless in the face of danger. For all my hoping and dreaming as a child this may be the one characteristic of Wonder Woman I still hope to actually attain.
Bottom line: I do not need to fly around in an invisible plane or perform imaginary heroic feats of my childhood mind to survive this Beast. I do not need to wear a golden belt for strength. I simply need to hold my Faith a bit tighter. Nor do I need a costume to bring me Hope . Ultimately, the truth is much simpler as in place of Super Powers is something much stronger--- my family. No, Wonder Woman I am not. But Mother, Wife, and Survivor I am!