I was reminded today of the loss of a dear friend. Just the thought of my sister in arms, brings both tears and a smile to my face, both sadness and joy in to my heart. I took pause last week, and again on Christmas day, and yet again today.This year marks the passing of one very dear to us all. She was a beautiful soul, a fighter and courageous to the end. Her name was Kim ,she was and is still my hero.
When I met Kim I was in a low place. Not to say I didn't have hope, I did. But I was lost, wandering in the land of the beast. I had not yet met a fellow survivor along my path. My journey up till that point had been one of solitary struggle. Then she found me, and I wasn't so alone. I had someone to talk to, someone to lean on and to let lean on me. Kim was there shining so brightly you could not help but smile. As soon as I opened my heart to her I had a hand to hold.
I meet Kim in J Land. I came across her blog, and found her to be spunky, witty and ready to take on the beast we shared...breast cancer. Her humor was a breath of fresh air. Kim's life was an open book we all read, overflowing with a deep love for living and those she held close. Kim was a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister and a friend. She was my friend, a sister in arms, a pink warrior through and through. I loved Kim. She taught me more than words could ever express in the short time we shared. I still have to remind myself she is gone. I can still feel her sometimes as I sit at my keyboard writing an entry. I feel her loss deeply, at times I still grieve her short life. I long to read her written words, to know her insights and to ask her what her thoughts are. I miss Kim, as we all do.
Kim was a light. She was a warm, welcoming spirit. Her life was a guiding force whose light burned out way to soon. I know she will never leave us completely. Kim gave us all something of herself. I hold her memory close. I feel her loss every day. Yet, I know she would tell me to live, to laugh and to fight harder. It is those times I feel the desire to celebrate the beautiful life she lived.
Some may call her an angel, but to me she is much more. She is a bright shining star guiding us all through the dark night and deep waters. I miss her more each day, and yet her legacy lives on within each of us who knew her. Kim, left us all suddenly, and to this day I can feel the sting of Indigo and Mary's news... Kim was gone, lost to us here on earth. Tears still burn my face when I remember the day I opened the email. I felt as if I had been slapped across the face.
Kim would tell me not to give up, to fight, to throw myself 100% into the course of living my life as fully as possible. She would offer her hand, no matter how terrible she may feel. Kim was a fighter, a true warrior. Kim could raise her sword and charge full steam ahead. Kim taught me to be brave and to stand up for myself. So I pray I can do the same for all who need a hand. I pray I can continue to fight this beast for both of us, for Kim and for myself. Kim faced the beast as only she could do without regret. Kim felt the pain, she worried but she endured. In a world full of doubt, I hope we too can rise above the fear and offer others Hope just as Kim did. This coming year when October rolls around and we remember those who have lost their fight with breast cancer, remember Kim. When I walked this past October I thought of Kim, of her legacy to us all and the hope of finding a cure. Now I walk for Kim, as I walk for myself and all those who are still fighting this beast. Our battle is not lost, yes, we have lost a comrade in this battle, but we must still press on. In my own life, my own journey I know I must raise my head up, and keep walking this path, following this journey. No words can heal the pain of losing a loved one, but there is still hope. There is always hope. Somewhere Kim is calling to us all, to trust and to have faith and to allow our hearts to guide us.
So today I choose to dance even as tears fall down my face. I will lace up my pink dancing shoes and let the music play. I will dreams and see the world through my children's' eyes. I will hope, trust and believe. I will laugh and I will shout at the beast. I will dare it to come for me and stare it in the eyes. I will chose to be a pink warrior, a fighter and a survivor. I honor Kim today and every day I am given. I celebrate her life and her joy. The miles may seem longer than they have ever been before but we will overcome. Kim is still here with us,we just have to allow her warrior spirit to lead us onward. Be encouraged my friends...we may not have chosen this life, but we do own it. We can live every minute as it was the last or we can sit around and wait for death to come. Don't we have an obligation to seize the day? Sure there may be days the road beneath us feels like broken glass, yet the pain we feel reminds us we are still alive. Isn't the sun still shining in the sky above us? Don't we have the gift of living in this moment? So celebrate all you have been given, pain, worry, joy, hope and life! Honor Kim and all she has given us by living completely. So let's make her proud of how we have chosen to live our lives. Let's find a reason everyday to be thankful.
I wish we could wake up and know this was all a nightmare, but we are awake .I know there is no hiding the pain we all feel. We hold a void in our hearts, but Kim's love for us all is still there. She is holding out her heart ready to fill the emptiness. As long as we remember Kim, her life, her struggle and her gift of insight to us all, she is forever with us.
Kim, I miss you. I always will. I am trusting in God's promise... I will see you again, someday. So until I am called home, keep your star shining brightly for us all. Until then my dearest friend, I will keep dancing.