About Me...

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In a nut shell : I'm a wife, a full time working mom, a teacher, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a decade long breast cancer survivor, and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Sunday, January 27, 2008


I know that it has been a while since I have really updated anyone on what has been happening here. Life has been quite complicated the last couple of months. There has been a great amount of struggle surrounding the our lives along side of our computer dying.

December brought our family to a halt as we ran into and had to face sudden and thick walls. By the grace of the Lord above, wonderful friends and loving family we we able to climb over and eventually blast through a great many of those walls. In all honesty there were times that I was unsure of my own footing and faltered in my hope. But as I said by grace we can stand knowing that all is well.

As for my health, the holidays were not what I planned as I was very sick with pneumonia and in the E. R. both the 23 rd and 26 th of December. Then for a bonus, I under went 5 major tests and additional blood work in regards to my R. A. So it was trying to say the least. Now I am just dealing with the new pressures of uncertainty, lol. But seriously cancer is a constant monkey on your back. Yes, I am in remission and I am thankful for that one word everyday. But I am still dealing with the complications or as I call them, the casualties of the beast. I see my oncologist again in February. As for now, I see the doctor every 2 weeks. He is a very kind and genuine doctor but still I hate that I have now been diagnosed with R. A. It is not what I wanted to hear, but it is what is happening to my body. It is getting harder for me to type, so it takes me longer to place an entry in my blog or respond to an email. My hands are the greatest hit right now, though my hip, neck and spine are following close behind. Getting out of bed, opening a door or at times just moving my legs is very painful. But I am a fighter so fight I will! No complaining, no feeling sorry for myself, just pushing forward with a positive attitude.
I have been placed on 8 additional medications which brings my grand total to 17. But if it will help slow the deterioration down, then I am on board.

I am also dealing with this lump on the back of my skull. It is sitting on a pressure point so it is causing me headaches, etc. I am suppose to see a surgeon to have it removed, and I will as soon as things slow down. As for my breast reconstruction, well I am still under construction, lol. I see my surgeon in March. At that time, 25 months after first loosing my breast the process should be complete. But I am not sure that I want to keep the breast to be honest. It is so uncomfortable and I am not convinced that the silicone is not the reason behind my recent R. A. diagnosis. Johnny and I are seriously considering having it removed and just being done with it. I can live with one breast. There are more options out there than ever before. Besides, it is not my breasts that make me a woman, it is my heart, my soul and my spirit that tell the world who I am. I am just weary from all this. I am tired of all this mess. Just last week I started having problems with my other breast. The fear that gripped me was overwhelming. But thankfully when all was said and done my GYN felt it was an infection from my breast surgery in September. Go figure.

As for my sweet dad, he is doing well. His radiation is almost done (just one more week left). He is tired, but feeling well. The outlook is really positive, so we are are extremely pleased with that news. He has a really great team of doctors and a family that really loves him. He is always the soldier, strong and stubborn. I love and admire him greatly.

Before I go, I just wanted to say to all, that I too miss Kim. It has taken me a while to be able to put that into words here in my journal. It's as if saying it makes it true, brings it home that she is gone. I loved her as we all did, and I miss her as we all do. My heart breaks at the thought and my spirit grieves for the loss. She was a fighter, an inspiration and a fellow sister in arms.

I love each of you. I am ever grateful for all the love and support I have received in emails and messages. I could not stand with so much HOPE if it were not for your encouragement and prayers that fill my life with strength and courage


Monday, January 14, 2008

Still Fighting

Still A Fighter

In the last few weeks I realize that it seems as if I have fallen down into a pit of my own undoing. Yes, it is true I have sunk into the bottom depths of my soul. I also realize that I am a self declared WARRIOR, and warriors don't falter right? Well, this one has suffered from a few blows that have left my head spinning. My response? Well, even the strongest of warriors need a place to rest, to find comfort, to regain their strength and their footing. I will find my way back onto the battle field soon. I have not lost my hope, nor have I tossed my shield or my sword. I am still in this fight and I will step back onto the battlefield again soon.

Relationships seem to be the hardest hit and the last to finally feel the deep pains of cancer's grip. The loss of a breast, and the loss of time that breast cancer rips from you can be overwhelming. Still as hard as change is, change can be good, almost reassuring in a way. Change can bring you eye to eye, strengthen and reaffirm your deepest of relationships once time slows down long enough for you to rediscover your life together.

As for myself right now, my body is tired, and my heart is weak. Loved ones my soul is merely bruised, and my spirit is still intact. I am just resting, finding my place again. Like a caterpillar, I am inside a cocoon, and in time I will reemerge as a butterfly with strong beautiful wings.

We all have go through these kinds of changes, heart breaks, soul inspiring and spirit reckoning days, weeks and months ... the difference is how you emerge. I may have fallen, suffered a set back, but I will not stay down. I will get up, I will spread my wings and I will fly. So, yes, my spirit may be weak and my heart may be mending, but I am still a fighter and I always will!