Sunday, March 15, 2009
Micah is the Reason I Celebrate Today...
I woke up today with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. Why you ask? Well it is Micah's birthday. His tenth to be exact.
Again you may ask why is this such an exciting day? Outside of the obvious? Hummm.... let me tell you.
Three years ago, in March of 2006, I was facing chemo. I had already made it through, a surgical breast biopsy, the loss of my breast, lymph node removal, and the beginning of breast cancer reconstruction. I was going faithfully twice a week to have saline pushed into my expander. It was painful enough having this strange foreign device stuck under what was left of my skin. But then the added bonus was the saline push to stretch my skin in order to accommodate my implant.
Just when I was feeling there may be an end to my nightmare, I was hit with chemo. No one thought it has actually made it into my nodes. So my reconstruction process came to a holt. I had just had my third surgery in three months and I was worried about how this was all affecting my children. There I stood, was looking at my newly turned seven year old and trying to explain how chemo was like the game of Pac man. "Sweetie this is going to be difficult but let''s think about it like one of your video games. The chemo is going to eat up as much of mommy's cancer as possible before the little ghosts ( cancer) can get me. Yes mommy's hair's going to fall out and I'm going to be really sick for a while. But in the end, when it was all done, mommy will have a second chance at life." I knew what lay ahead of me. This was not going to be an easy road but I needed to both offer and cling to hope... it was our only chance.
I knew that day as I greeted parents and served up cake at Micah's birthday party that our lives were never going to be the same. Facing the beast head on was my only chance. I had lymph node involvement and that meant this cancer of mine had already made it's way into my body's highway. The beast was speeding straight ahead and I needed to provide a road block!
Micah was just a little guy, such a sweet boy. He was not afraid he told me. He was and is such a courageous boy. Just as he did that day, he still tells me how beautiful I am. To my son, I was not an embarrassment, no I was his mommy, always and forever. He saw me through innocent eyes and held my hand proudly that day.
Now I look at my little man, three years later. He is growing up so quickly, yet he still holds many of those six year old ideals. Micah is a blessing, as is his brother Joshua. If not for their precious love maybe I would not have had the courage to walk onto the battle field. I fought for them, I still do.
So today I celebrate Micah and his joy and love. Today I am alive to hold him, hug him...kiss him. I can not say how long I will have this ability, but I do not dwell on this. I have today and today is magical and awe inspiring. Today is a day of love, hope and celebration. Today is Micah's day and I am Micah's greatest fan!