Wednesday, March 4, 2009
It has always been easy for me to fall asleep in my bed, snug, in the late evening. Unraveling the events of the day, and wondering about their obscure meanings. I often do this in bed at night, going through my day, eyes closed, always looking for a meaning, something or someone that made an impact in some way. As I flip through the pages of my day in my mind, memories seep from my veins. You see, I believe that each day becomes a part of you. Imprints on you, inspires you. I feel sometimes a willingness to follow my inspiration, to pay attention to uncanny coincidences and synchronistic events, which help me, attune to a higher order and magnetize good fortune.
This particular evening as I was flipping the pages in my mind, I thought nothing of what dreams may come while I sleep. I don’t remember that particular night, just my ritual. What I do remember is waking up, startled, and scared in the middle of the night, in the middle of the darkness. I sat up in bed, knees drawn to my chest. I took a deep breath, let it out, and knew I had Breast Cancer.
Do you know the TV show Medium, which stars Patricia Arquette? She plays Allison Dubois, a psychic medium who while she is sleeping is able to tap into some "realm." She is able to see visions, know things about people that others don’t know. Well, I’m nothing like that. Not even close. Phew, you are probably thinking, OK so she isn’t crazy. What happened to me while I slept was just my ability to attune to a higher order, if even for one night.
I placed my head on my pillow, eyes closed. Breathing slowly and deliberately, slowing my mind down to drift off to sleep. In the corridors of my mind, while I slept, pictures began to take shape. I found myself walking alone. I was barefoot, and I realized this the second I looked down. I could feel the dirt road beneath my feet. Along each side of me was grass, and in the distance beyond the grass were trees as far as I could see. I have no idea where I was, I had never seen this place before. The temperature was perfect, not to warm, not to cool, just perfect. I never looked behind me. I only noticed the trees, the smell of the grass, and the soft dirt under my bare feet. It was very still, very quiet, so quiet that I couldn’t hear my feet touch the ground as I walked.
A simple silence as I walked, tilting my head to the sun feeling the warmth and glow, I was approached by a man who seem to appear out of nowhere. He stood a little to the left of me, not blocking my next steps, and reached out and touched me. He put his right hand on my left leg, and immediately images were in my mind. Images of my leg, inside like a 3D model. He spoke to me and said, "Your leg is fine." I had been worried about my leg; it had been aching for a while with no avail. He then reached his hand up and cupped my left breast gently and said, "You have breast cancer, go to the doctor."
Simple. One moment I was enjoying a beautiful walk, barefoot with such amazing clarity in my mind, and then he appeared. I awoke, startled, shaken and knew at that very instant my life had changed forever.
Many of us spend all our time waiting for second chances. What if’s? I was lucky enough to get a second chance on life, and this was my second, second chance. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer a couple of months, and many medical tests later. It was an early diagnosis, but alas just as devastating. I never felt it was a death sentence, but a life sentence. Memories that will forever be with me, be a part of me. What do you do with your memories? When they come bubbling up to the surface. Do you let them just float by? Do you analyze them, go into them, or just walk away?
I have my memories and many times my memories carry me to another level of understanding, another level of awakening. I am inherently inspired conscious and open to experimenting with new forms of imagination and understanding. Through my openness, optimism, enthusiasm for adventure or new ideas, and my willingness to go out on a limb and do something unusual or risky, blessings flow into my life. My blessing: Cancer.
How odd that may seem, and how inappropriate, but to me it was a blessing. Eckhart Tolle is also one of my blessings. He writes: "Die to the past every moment. You don’t need it. Only refer to it when it is absolutely relevant to the present. Feel the power of this moment and the fullness of Being. Feel your presence."
He also talks greatly about coping with the now. You can never cope with the future---nor do you have to.
I live this way, and as each day comes to an end, and I lay my head on my pillow, and images line the corridor of my sleeping mind, I pray for knowledge, and understanding. I offer no resistance to life and enter a state of grace, ease and lightness and know that I have been blessed.