About Me...

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In a nut shell : I'm a full time working mom, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a breast cancer survivor of almost a decade and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Monday, June 8, 2009

On the Back Roads of Life

Sometimes life takes a turn not on your road map. I can attest to it, over, and over, and over again. At first you set out on what seems to be a beautiful country road. It's a nice quiet ride through the countryside, life seems tranquil and bursting with life. But then you hit your first bumpty, bump, bump and you begin bouncing all over the place while you try controlling your vehicle through a dusty, bumpy off the map road.

Before you know what has actually happened you have taken not one, not two but countless detours as you continue twisting and turning down and through this off beat road. When the day started out you would never have expected to be here, down this road right?

So by the time you have stopped on the side of the road and changed out an old tire or two, refilled the gas tank and changed the oil you are completely spent. Once you have gotten back in the vehicle and on the road you stop... breath and start your engine and push the gas pedal down as hard as you can. Good you are moving and your old road map in the glove compartment? Well it has finally been thrown out the window and you have decided to trust your gut.

I have to say I thought I was done with all this hullabaloo. After all the breast cancer in and outs I wanted to be done with all this off the map road business but life doesn't work that way does it? Life is not about easy paths, light rains and gentle winds is it? No it is not! Life is about struggle, pain, and the ability to endure all she throws at you.


I have spent most of the last 3 years fighting cancer. Five years ago I would never have imagined myself saying " I am a breast cancer survivor". It just wasn't on my life map, no way , no how. But it was, and it is... but I am still fighting it, everyday. I will continue to do so as each day goes by because life is worth the journey.

Am I tired? Am I am sore and worn out? YES I AM! But, here is that word again... but... I am still standing. Yep I sure am, even if I am leaning against the passengers side of this life vehicle, I am still standing.

I am struggling right now with my new port-a-cath. It isn't what I wanted, especially for a second time, nor is it not going as well as I had hoped. This road is going to be a bit bumpy. My body has not responded quite as I would have liked it to. The truth is I am going to have to wipe away a few tears and learn to roll with a new punch or two.


Life is full of bumpy roads and sometimes we have to throw our hands up in the air and give up, give in and just scream at the steering wheel. But that's OK because if we didn't take a wrong turn or two from time to time on the back roads of life how else would we ever find those wide open green patches of untouched beauty?


Christina

9 comments:

  1. Sometimes we have to take those bumpy roads before we can truly appreciate the smooth ones. hang in there. i know there's got to be smooth pavement somewhere down those bumpy roads. Blessings!~kbear

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  2. YAY someone understands the basics of this amazing journey! Give me those bumpy detours anytime, I agree my friend. Can u imagine the utter yawn life would be w/o detours into the unknown and scary? Not my cuppa lol. Hope life is treating you decently, and with the miraculous surprises of its beauty.

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  3. One of my journals is called, 'A friend on the backroads of life', because life is what you eventually make it. I plan on making mine an enjoyable one, so if you ran into me, I must be around to pass some joy off to you.

    Sometimes, I read your journal, and am awed by your strength. I could only hope to be one tenth as strong as you are. It is humbling to think that I call 'enduring my life' as a challenge when you bravely face your fight and can even offer to 'pull you through', to another in need.

    I hope I am not running on, and rambling aimlessly. You be well, and Love and Rockets!
    Mark

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  4. Christina,
    I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I'm praying for smooth pavement very soon for you...

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  5. Not to take anything away from how difficult it has been, but you sure do know how to navigate emotional & physical crisis. You get the point of the journey, and you share it with us.
    ~Mary

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  6. You are a brave person. I hope that the bumps even out. Take care of yourself.

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  7. Christina, although I can't say that I have been down your bumpy road...in all that you have lived through, cried through and the even the things you laughed through...but I have traveled down many of roads..with what I call pot holes in life.. some big some small but all in all obstacles in our lives... you have taught me so much in your travels with this dreaded disease.. your ability to endure all that has been thrown your way..still amazes me.. your beauty shines through..not only on the outside but on the inside as well.. I hope your bumpy road may one day get fixed so you can enjoy the smooth ride that you so deserve..
    Kelly~

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  8. Christina, please forgive me for not stopping by sooner. I can only say I'm shocked at what I read tonight, realizing you've taken up the sword again. I sit here angry because dammit, you've been through enough.

    Please post when you can to keep everyone updated. Keep your chin up - you can do this! Email me at maui6347@aol.com if you need a virtual shoulder.

    Hugs and prayers,
    Sharon

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  9. Chrstina, so proud of you for being a fighter and taking those bumpy roads with a positive attitude after all you've been dealing with. Your attitude is for living and enjoying, you're a special lady to anyone who knows or reads your site.

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