Monday, June 8, 2009
On the Back Roads of Life
Sometimes life takes a turn not on your road map. I can attest to it, over, and over, and over again. At first you set out on what seems to be a beautiful country road. It's a nice quiet ride through the countryside, life seems tranquil and bursting with life. But then you hit your first bumpty, bump, bump and you begin bouncing all over the place while you try controlling your vehicle through a dusty, bumpy off the map road.
Before you know what has actually happened you have taken not one, not two but countless detours as you continue twisting and turning down and through this off beat road. When the day started out you would never have expected to be here, down this road right?
So by the time you have stopped on the side of the road and changed out an old tire or two, refilled the gas tank and changed the oil you are completely spent. Once you have gotten back in the vehicle and on the road you stop... breath and start your engine and push the gas pedal down as hard as you can. Good you are moving and your old road map in the glove compartment? Well it has finally been thrown out the window and you have decided to trust your gut.
I have to say I thought I was done with all this hullabaloo. After all the breast cancer in and outs I wanted to be done with all this off the map road business but life doesn't work that way does it? Life is not about easy paths, light rains and gentle winds is it? No it is not! Life is about struggle, pain, and the ability to endure all she throws at you.
I have spent most of the last 3 years fighting cancer. Five years ago I would never have imagined myself saying " I am a breast cancer survivor". It just wasn't on my life map, no way , no how. But it was, and it is... but I am still fighting it, everyday. I will continue to do so as each day goes by because life is worth the journey.
Am I tired? Am I am sore and worn out? YES I AM! But, here is that word again... but... I am still standing. Yep I sure am, even if I am leaning against the passengers side of this life vehicle, I am still standing.
I am struggling right now with my new port-a-cath. It isn't what I wanted, especially for a second time, nor is it not going as well as I had hoped. This road is going to be a bit bumpy. My body has not responded quite as I would have liked it to. The truth is I am going to have to wipe away a few tears and learn to roll with a new punch or two.
Life is full of bumpy roads and sometimes we have to throw our hands up in the air and give up, give in and just scream at the steering wheel. But that's OK because if we didn't take a wrong turn or two from time to time on the back roads of life how else would we ever find those wide open green patches of untouched beauty?