So as I have pondered this theory this week I spent time cleaning, sweeping, dusting, moving things around and re- organizing my house. Talk about dirt, clutter and piles of unorganized junk! I moved from one room to the next, one day at a time literally. For months I had been hiding away deep inside my own skin, away from the outside world and my cleaning supplies! I had not realized just how out of whack my home was getting or for that matter how out of balance my soul was becoming.
Isn't it the way it goes though? Life takes a bite out of us dragging us outside our comfort zone deep into the abyss. The light once surrounding us seems to instantly fade and we succumb to the dark waters of uncertainty. We may not even know how how or why we have arrived in this place but we are hear like it or not!
Before we know what has happened we are stuck and sinking all while tied to this cold dark place within our own soul unable to move. We not only see the chains binding us to these unknown frightening waters, but we feel them too.
I don't know about you but I have found myself many times dying to shake myself loose from these chains many a day. Looking around at all this soul clutter piling in on me I have found myself longing to see the light of the sun again ready to surface for a breathe of fresh air. But up till that one moment courage grabs hold of us and forces us to push away from the bottom we are locked to this sunken wreckage of broken dreams at the bottom of the abyss.
So the question is what do we do with all this clutter piling up in our soul? Do we just toss it all overboard? Do we tuck it away in the darkest corners of this decrepit ship or do we just allow it all to continue piling up until there in no room left for us to move? At some point we have to let it all go with no regrets for what has or might have been. No it isn't easy to work through pile after pile deciding what we are keeping, putting away for now or discarding but there comes a time in our all lives it must be done.
Just maybe we need the rain to wash the tears away from our faces so we can feel the grace life offers us. Maybe the process of discarding what we know is not meant to be, what is past, behind us and ready to be let go of is exactly what we need to feel His faithfulness fill us again. Maybe we need to open those closed doors inside us and sweep them clean in order for our souls to heal fully and completely.
Yes life brings us pain without question but what of the joy waiting for us as well? I can't tell you how good it feels to finally have room in my own soul to grow again, to sing and dance without bumping into those dusty piles of clutter. Breast cancer may have taken my life for a ride and yes at times she has spun me in endless circles but after cleaning the cob webs out, packing up the festering fears she left behind and rising from the abyss my spirit and soul had sunk to I feel reborn, refreshed and once again revitalized.
This is who I am, LIFE is full of changes but I am always a SURVIVOR! I am not perfect but I am trying to live life everyday in the hope I know endured. This beast is forever a apart of me and yes she makes life complicated at the most inconvenient times but I believe she has also made me stronger for the journey! I have heard it said :Some see a hopeless end while others see an endless hope. I pray in the end I will find my life in the latter.