About Me...

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In a nut shell : I'm a wife, a full time working mom, a teacher, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a decade long breast cancer survivor, and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Life Inside A Shrinking Box



Can you imagine a world where the journey is the destination? Where the sky is turned upside down and the sun has turned blue? A place where the train does not take you there, but where you follow the tracks instead? Maybe a world where there is no normal and the meaning of the word normal is unusual?



I know of a place, a world not too far off the beaten path where the destination is just the beginning… A place where you are who you are from the inside out instead of from the outside in. A world like no other you have ever seen where a promise is the gift we find in our journey instead of the promise we never find at end of the rainbow.


Yes, a place where nothing makes sense at all yet everything makes perfect sense at the same time? Have you ever thought about a world where we could simply be ourselves? Not a world where we are trapped inside a shrinking box?


For me this world well it would be a place where living with one breast in a two boobed world is not just ok but beautiful. Where my lopsided profile would fit in perfectly without the overcast of a sex driven, over crazed perfect 10 shadow of a world?


When was the last time you honestly thought of a beautiful woman having just one breast or with none? Does losing a breast mean I lose who I am? Or that I am incapable of sexuality or beauty? Should I have to retreat to the back corners of the room, inside the darkness of what once was? Or is there a world where true beauty has no size, no mirror image to copy but comes from within, deep inside who we really are and can be? What if there was no normal, no “10” just a rainbow of possibilities instead?


Is it possible to discover a place where the one element the out world deems as a woman’s definition of beauty can be removed and still find her provocatively beautiful? I truly wonder if there is a place like this. If we as pawns in our own game can pull back the shrinking walls of this world we have created for ourselves? I would like to think one day we can.


I am but only one voice for now… trying desperately to escape this box, stepping out one tiny step at a time. Yes the shadows loom over me, reaching out to consume me, to continue to crowd in from behind me as they hiss and hurl their opposition to who I am becoming. But this I know… if I continue with my journey, knowing it is not the destination leading me but the discovery of who I am as both a woman and a survivor one day the touch, the feel of and the absence of a breast will be nothing to fear.


Beauty is not defined by anything but our own imaginations. Having two breasts and a perfect body, long flowing hair and un-stretched skin does not make a woman beautiful. Yes it can enhancer her beauty but it is merely an outward perception to think it completely defines her!


No real true beauty is found in the journey which both gives and takes away from each of us daily. I can’t tell you the thought of being breast less in a world of perfect make believe images isn’t scary or intimidating but I can tell you for the first time in my life I am free. I have found the inner me; the woman undefined not by just a bra but by having just one breast.


I have broken out of that box, the one with four small walls trying to keep me defined by the world’s idea of a woman. I have today, and tomorrow. I have a husband who finds me sexy with or without my breasts and two boys who are learning to view women for their real, true inner worth and beauty and you know what? It really is perfectly ok with me.


~ Christina

2 comments:

  1. Dear Christina,

    I know you have probably heard this from other people already, but You Really NEED to WRITE A BOOK!!!!!

    I think you are beautiful - inside and out - and I think that you have taught your sons an amazing lesson (even though I wish you didn't have to go through all you did to get there) what the real meaning of beauty is! Keep up the great work with all that you do -your family is lucky and blessed to have you!

    Love,

    Michelle

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  2. Sometimes I feel so alone in this two-breasted world, but just like you, I'm very lucky to have found a husband who finds me sexy no matter how boob-less I am!

    I'd love to have you write a guest post on my blog about beauty after breast cancer! Email me if you are interested!
    lemondroppie@gmail.com
    http://lemondroppie.blogspot.com

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