I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I had not been diagnosed with breast cancer. Would we have been as happy, as close as we are now? Sure I know cancer is nothing to jump up and down about, hoot and holler while shouting how wonderful it is to the world BUT cancer does throw a learning curve.
I would much rather have my old form back, two breasts and not just one nipple. Seriously who likes driving around with one headlight? But it can be done if it is your only option right? Trading in an old Model T with 2 headlights for an old run down motor cycle with one headlight may not always be the best option but it is sometimes the only option. Yes in theory it sounds cool, I mean who doesn’t want a new motor bike even if it needs work right?
What about a boob job, seriously doesn’t that sound wonderful? Trade in the old ones for new ones, raise those boobies from the grave, and take them back from gravity? Well if it were really that simple everyone would be asking for this extreme makeover right? Women would be in line, pushing and shoving, trying to get to the front of the line first. Though breast cancer does give you an extreme makeover, it is anything but thrilling. Living with one breast, driving with one head light can be terrifying honestly because it is new, unexpected and nowhere in the plan! Just like when your hubby comes home with a brand new motor cycle, convincing you how fantastic it is and how you are going to love it. Well living with one breast changes everything, it takes some getting used to honestly.
It is not that it can’t be done because I am living proof it can! It is just a matter of perspective, of how you see yourself, your idea of a perfect 10. Once you can see past the scar in front of you and see the beauty within yourself screaming to get out well then driving with one headlight becomes almost natural.
Cancer has done many things to my body, to my spirit and to my soul. Yes it has taken many things from me as well, including my breast and my idea of perfect. But what cancer has not taken from me is my worth. She has made me stronger, more secure in who I am, comfortable in my skin, even if it has been cut up and torn by the beast within.
She has also not taken my family from me. We may be an odd little band of warriors to some but what we are is a family, we are survivors. As a family we embrace the struggles, we don’t back away from the fear or see evil around every corner because there is grace to be found too. I don’t believe we really stop and think about how bad it is or how bad it may become one day. Maybe we view things differently than others, but we just don’t see our situation as ever being that bad, as being so terrible there is no way back.
There is always hope, always another door to open, a window to crawl through, another corner to turn around and another path to trod upon. Truly it all comes down to perspective and attitude, sure you may prefer two headlights, but at the end of the day driving with just one may not be as bad as you think!