About Me...

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In a nut shell : I'm a full time working mom, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a breast cancer survivor of almost a decade and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Cancer's Consorts

Putting it mildly, life in the BC zone can be very hectic and overwhelming. Is there a perfect route in which you can navigate yourself through the Big C? Not really, honestly there is no correct or incorrect path to really answer this question except to say cancer is a giant zit. You know those large, red puss filled things, sitting on top of your nose, which like to block your view? Sometimes they can just go away on their own, and other times they need a little help being uprooted before you can begin to clean the surface of their foul infection. Cancer is just like a zit, she’s a monster sucking the life right out of you and if left untreated both physically and emotionally she can drain every ounce of life, laughter and sanity from of you.

What is it about cancer and her bullies which make them so ready to destroy you, to take everything away from you once by ounce?Why is it every part of what once was real, certain, and concrete in your life  must be chipped away? Seriously if you wiggle just a little bit one way or the other, offer her an inch, she and her consorts will take the whole ruler! If I sat down I could probably write a book about  these Cancer bullies and their place in our lives. Their function, our responses and in the end how each jab effects our recovery. I have lived with bullies most of my life in one form or another, either they have hated me for the joy in life, despised my ability to look past the pot holes in front of me or simply put have hated me for anything from the way I smile to the way I laugh. The point is this: it’s really nothing to do with you my friends; it’s more to do with the bullies surrounding your life; how they see themselves and how they see you handle your own struggles in spite of how they handle their own path in life.

Let’s face it friends, it’s a crazy mixed up world out there and those of us who are simple and meek in nature always end up on the chopping block. We are targets for those who can’t deal with their own issues, having to deposit them on our doorsteps instead. Yes we try our best to carry both loads, even allowing ourselves physically to fall apart if we must to save those we love instead. The only problem I foresee in this way of handling bullies is the end result: it is time taken away from our own lives not theirs. Still for some us, we continue to try, to over look the hurt, to embrace the pain, to forget about the injury and even to limp beside the very person who caused our limp in the first place just to keep the peace.

Sadly, the truth is there will come a day when your limp will not heal from the constant triads of the beast's consorts and as clearly as the Bible says,” the truth will set you free” you will have to speak your truth if you want to survive the beast and her furious nature. Yes it will be hard, even unbearable, but it must be done if you want to physically survive to see another day. Emotional beating s are just as bad as the real thing because they do not heal, these kind of wounds bruise deep and stay with you, festering long after the first cut.

I understand, because I have walked this path for a very long time indeed, I have felt the dagger to my heart, watched the blood drip from my chest and asked myself how more many times I could take this kind of emotionally murder,  how many lives I had left to forfeit or if I had the strength to endure just one more fine tip to the chest. The problem is we try so hard to balance everything in our lives, even the bullies who have taken over the playground. We make excuses for them, play their behavior off as if it is OK to treat us this way, after all we are strong remember? We are the ones who have been called to this kind of life, or we are the ones who deserve this flogging because we are not living up to the standards thee consorts have listed 1-1000 for us! We should be quite, take the beating, and agree with them because they know what is best for us right?. No, this is just the excuse they hand us while stabbing us in the back. These are the people, the consorts who come to destroy us all in the name of love. These are the ones who want to tell you how to live your life, inform you of your failures, educate you on their view of a Bible you have already read front to cover yourself, all while pushing the blade in a little further into your bloody chest. I can not give you a valid reason my friends for their behavior only that for some reason these few feel you are just not bright enough to figure it out on your own.

My advice: stop and walk away. Do not take on their anger as your own, their humiliation as your undoing as you exit the throne room. These accusations are false, meant to chip your armor away,  to bring you to your knees while they hurdle poisonous arrow heads towards you for an outcome  of a situation you had nothing to do with. I will; tell you this, no matter how much you want to despise them: Love those repulsive consorts anyway, despite their tendency to slit your throat and perform exploratory surgery, take away the sword they carry and be ready to duck the next time they throw their crown at you. You show them you love them by telling them it is not OK to behave like a bully anymore, to consort with the enemy on your behalf. Mark my words you will be hurt, they will cut you deeper than you have even been cut before if they are able to throw just one more dagger your way. Beware my friends: Just because they know you have removed the bulls eye from your forehead doesn't mean they won't continue to try using you for target practice!. The truth is: once you have dethroned the false king, and his consorts, you will no longer walk with a limp anymore; you will be able to heal emotionally which will enable you to heal physically as long as you keep a wide eye open for stray arrows every once in a while.

Friends, I rarely speak this boldly, but sometimes we have to stand up for what’s right. I know I have chatted with many of you who have and are facing this same dilemma. Facing your cancer, her bullies and their arsenal of Dudley never do right's is never easy. Unfortunately you will feel drained and they will try with all their might to take you down, to make you feel ashamed and unsightly in God’s sight. But you must hold fast to your own truth, who you are and where you are going. I implore you to take courage my friends, do not hesitate or second guess yourself. You have given your all, even when you could not give yourself as much. Now it is time to say ENOUGH! Pick up your sword and your shield and find a quiet, shady place to rest until your wounds have healed. Let the Father above breathe new life into your spirit, renew your joy and plant his hope inside your heart. His light will fall soft upon your face, and the darkness Cancer and her consorts have come to overtake you with will disintegrate by His hand not yours!

I personally believe in hope, I always have. I know life is more than just these faltering steps we manage to take while we are living here in an imperfect world. We are not perfect; we are human, made of flesh and blood, the real given truth is we are far from  sinless and perfection. So friends, let it all go, put those who come to destroy your life behind you. Live with your head raised toward the sun; take the beauty of His light inside of your soul, allowing it to renew all cancer's consorts came to strip away from you. Allow your joy, your hope and your faith to put those festering infected consorts to rest.

We all struggle as to when the time is right,  I encourage you to rally your strength. When the last horrible word has been said, when the last dagger has sliced across your face, you will hear His voice whisper in your ears: the time has come, rise up and go forth to undo this tangled mess done in His name. I know in my life I felt it deep down, knew when it was time to stand up. You will too. Maybe today is the day my friends? Has the  struck one too many times, maybe tomorrow is the day for the beast to realize the king of rumors, of false witness and of unrighteous anger hurled in your direction has finally come to an end. Even if the beast's consorts have not realized it, the King has fallen, been dethroned, broken into pieces, scattered back into the darkness from which it came. As for the crown, well it now rests on the forehead of the One true King. Why? Well because the truth has set us free my friend! Neither you nor I are servants of cancer or her consorts anymore! We are free men and woman through all eternity.



  1. Everyone experiences cancer differently and that is ok. I think one of the best ways to fight back against the bully is to find the right type of support for you; both socially and emotionally. Support can make a huge difference on your outlook and your ability to fight. Thanks Christina for this beautiful post full of hope and courage.

    Lauren (www.breastcancerregistry.org)

  2. Christina,
    Your writing is so real and raw and true and this is ever present in your words that this fight against the bully is your courage and your strength shining through!

    I would love to email you sometime; I also have a project that I'm working on and I would love to include you in it and send you something that you can hold close to your heart. Can I email you?


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