Sunday, April 24, 2011
Is this the end of Wonder Woman? Has she turned in her golden lasso, cuffs and her cape? Is there a reason she’s sitting on the rocks, boots off rubbing her feet? Seriously this is not the gracefully tough super power charged woman we are used to seeing right?
We all have times in our lives when we feel alone, even abandoned while surrounded by people. It could be we find ourselves in a dark place, wondering who turned out the lights asking ourselves where everyone went. In my own experience it’s not one thing which inevitably causes our house of cards to fall, its multiple, facades of things we are trying to juggle. When I think about my world closing in its generally because I’ve set myself up for the whole camel, moving along happily until someone places one last straw on my back scenario. Life is unpredictable, and we never know which straw will be the last to send us careening into a sand dune or better yet a palm tree right in front of us.
Maybe we are just having a bad day, possibly a long week which has turned into a full blown break down of our own wits! We may feel as if no one sees the sand trap we have fallen into or the hyena steadily gnawing on our arm while we frantically scream, “Hello. I’m not dead yet!” Life can sometimes be very disheartening if we let it be. If I am going to be honest with you, to continue wearing my heart on my sleeve as I do each and every day I have to let you in on a little secret of mine…last week came very close to becoming my complete undoing. Yes, I fell apart, completely to pieces, unable to sweep them up fast enough to super glue myself back together again! I also lost my pink cape somewhere in my flight path along with my super human powers which brought me crashing straight to the ground! Talk about a rude awakening. I finally ended my week by doing what I rarely do… retreating.
After dusting off the dried mud, surveying for and making sure I had no real damage I pulled myself up. I guess I could have continued to sit on my butt right where I landed, but what good would that have done? I will not deny I cried, like a baby I might add, even laying there for a moment or two, pushing my tears away in disgust feeling rather sorry for myself letting my raw emotions fall out of my perfectly packed concealed bag in a fashion as such. Let’s just say I was dismayed to put it bluntly, how could I have fallen from the sky above without a cause? Who could have ripped my cape away in mid flight? Well it was more of a tangled mess of getting caught up in the turbulence around me to be honest.
The problem with wearing a cape, trying to buzz around like you are invincible is that you are NOT invincible! No matter how hard you may try to be super woman, wonder woman or even elastic girl you cannot jump over buildings, lasso the truth out of people or bend yourself to everyone’s needs. It is just not possible. What is possible …is allowing yourself to bend, but not break, to open your heart up to being bruised without being torn in two and to be the best non super human caped being you can be.
The reality is I am one person, with more flaws than you can shake a stick at, hang ups my husband wouldn’t mind listing for you, and imperfections my kids would first and second at the same time. Seriously there are times I see the “is she serious, where’s the door” kind of dear caught in headlights look coming from those who suddenly feel they have entered the “Christina Charisma Zone”. Sure I have a little too much zeal and over flowing passion which at times can be misunderstood, taken by some as a “whoa Nelly”, get me out of here kind of moment, especially , bless their hearts, the ones who get too close to the flames of my exuberance! The deep down nitty gritty truth is I am just human. I fall, I fail and at times react too strongly, emotionally, letting my heart get the best of me.
What drives me, even when I am sitting with my boots off, massaging my sore feet is that I have this vision, a dream, a deep set hope, and an inspirational idea of what a world WITH breast cancer actually can be until we can do more than imagine a world WITHOUT it. One day we will find a cure, I have no doubt about it. We will put breast cancer to rest, cheer for the end of her reign but until that time comes my personal experience with her tentacles guides my vision. I am loud because I know so many including myself have fallen through the cracks along the way. Why start Christina's Breast Friends? What can we do that someone else is not currently doing? Well we can make this journey through the endless pink ribbons more intimate; bringing hope to a personal, emotional healing level, not some kind of idea, but a real, life altering experience. Offering the " put your boots back on, hold on to your hat" kind of support to those coping with a breast cancer diagnosis. This is my vision, the real deal and our hope as an infant organization.
A long time ago, in a land far, far away I was called to ministry. I might have been a child then, but I knew what I was called to do, to be. Now having breast cancer has not only brought my vision but also my passion into greater focus. The bottom line, the end page of this chapter is none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. We can choose to dwell on where and when death will come for us or we can choose to rise up from the ashes. We can make a conscious decision to let the brightly weaved cape go, to stop worrying about power or control over things our lives will never be able to lasso into submission. I can say without a doubt after staring death in the face I am very aware of how close she lurks to my sewn on shadow but I'm also very aware death has no hold on me as long as I am free to live or die trying!
This last week has been rough I can't lie ( I'm a non super hero after all). The truth is I have been in a fog, spinning my wheels, trying to overcome sickness and a few extra hurdles thrown my way causing me to retreat a little bit. I have worried how things will come together, where the money is going to come from, will we make this adventure of ours a success. I have fallen flat on my face, hurting my pride, overwhelmed, bewildered and yet at the end of the week, when the final day has come to an end, the truth is a brand new week is already beginning. A new hope has begun filtering in, filled with new concerns, yet wonderful opportunities, all ready for the picking so to speak, if I will just get up off my bum.
So I have come to the conclusion my cape is a “has been”, torn to shreds, sitting over in the corner. My super human powers have fled, leaving me vulnerable and I am pretty sure there’s kryptonite sitting in the room somewhere too. BUT, I have learned this week I am OK with just being me. Simply Christina, rolling up my sleeves, ready to work harder than ever before to make a difference in the lives of those who need it the most. I do not know where you stand, and I would not push anyone over a cliff with me just to have someone available to scream with me during the long fall down, let’s face it what good would that do? Maybe the trick is to leave someone up at the top of the cliff with a rope, ready to pull me back up after I have reached the bottom. Kinda makes sense huh? All I can ask of you, each of you, my friends and my family, my fellow bloggers, facebook buddies, Christina’s Breast Friends fans is this: reconsider the cape you may have fastened around your neck as well. Don’t let it take you off guard, pulling you backwards, again over the cliff as I did earlier this week. Yep I’m asking you to grab your boots, lace ‘em up and get ready to jump on board with me, take the plunge when you are ready because together we can send this beast packing…
The truth is at the end of the day Wonder Woman may certainly be sitting back , resting on the rocks she’s fallen on with her boots off, rubbing her feet but come tomorrow she will be back on her feet springing into action, just minus the cape!