It’s been too long since I’ve penned anything to paper, and yet in those moments along the way, I’ve done a lot of living, smiling, laughing, beating my head up against the wall and yes, crying. What I know now, that I couldn’t have imagined then, is this: nothing in this life can change the core of who you are without your consent, good or bad. What has life been like for the past two years, well, anything but even keeled.
If I have learned anything in this life of mine it is this: one, it's not easy, and two, it's not easy. Life is this weird kind of learn as you go boot camp. You know exactly what I'm talking about, a hard knuckles game, a teacher who likes to throw you into the deep end head first and scream SWIM, before you even know how to tread water. The other lesson, life has taught me, besides not being easy is this; you have to learn to roll with the punches. Just because I survived breast cancer didn’t mean life was done teaching me how to rise above the turbulence. Truthfully, I’ve had a few more lows than I’d like to admit, I’ve been in some very deep and dark places, and yet I’m still here, smiling, learning to laugh in spite of whatever tragedies life wants me to over react to.
My life is a canvas, full of lessons, some good, others really horrible, but in the scheme of things, it’s mostly about forgiveness. How we process our journey, learning to let go of not only our own demons, but those of others as well. It’s about letting go and moving on truthfully. If we spend our lives trying to blame others for the misconceptions of our own pain, we end up lonely and alone. Things happen, in our control or not, so it comes down to how you learn to love not only those around you but also how you love yourself. Life happens, hurts come with the turns and detours along the way. But as I heard from a very wise man today, in order to forgive, we need to learn to live in the reality of what has happened. If we stay rooted in our own bitterness, we deny ourselves the most beautiful gift we can possibly give ourselves, grace.
Pain has been part of my canvas, and yet without it, I know I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. Yes, I’ve changed; I’m not the timid, insecure young woman I was when I first started down this road to survivor-ship some eight years ago. Nor am I still searching for my identity anymore. I know who I am, and yet I still don’t know who I am yet to become as I learn to swim in the deep end, but that’s OK with me. So I’m ready for whatever is waiting out there, pain, sorrow, laughter, happiness or all the above. I can’t fix anyone or take someone else’s anger at life personally; I can only work on me, on my demons and my own attitude. So yes, I’m back to blogging, eager to put my thoughts to pen again, ready to share my stories with you, both the small and large life lessons I’ve personally learned along the journey in my absence…that is, of course if you’re ready lol.