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In a nut shell : I'm a full time working mom, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a breast cancer survivor of almost a decade and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Thursday, July 7, 2016

LIFE LESSON #45 ~ I'm More Than What You See




I’m going to step out of my box today. I’m going to speak boldly, courageously. I have something to say and I need to clear my chest so to speak. I think too many times those of us with strong, independent and sensitive souls are misunderstood. For the most part we’re liked and yes loved but there are those who have no taste for us in the least. For years I tried to please everyone. Not only is this impossible, it’s toxic to our well-being. I didn’t handle rejection very well at all for a long time.  I was crushed, undone by the brush-off.  In recent years I have come to understand, it has nothing to do with me. It comes down to apples and oranges.  The reality is I'm never going to be everyone’s best friend. And you know what, that’s OK!

Life lesson #45:  I'm more than what you see. I am strong, I am kind and I am giving.  What I am not is a doormat.

Many times we feel we have to stay quiet while others seek to provoke us. In life we are always going to have critics, those who don’t like us for whatever their reasons are. We can’t control the notions of others, nor their opinions. What we should be able to do though is respond without reacting. We are all different, apples and oranges right?  We don’t always see eye to eye. So do you want the truth? Do you want to understand why some mock us, don’t understand us? How do those who claim to hear us fail to actually listen? Why it is some can hate us so much without a cause or a reason? And yet others can love us without one? I have come to this conclusion: those who chose hate do so out of fear.  What do they fear? Well I do believe they fear fate itself.   The reality is these folks fear what’s inside of them, those things which are dark, secret, hidden and concealed from the rest of the world.  The lies we whisper to ourselves when it’s just too painful to admit we’re wrong.

We all have to face the man in the mirror, just as Michael Jackson’s song proclaims. Without facing our own realities, by holding on to wrongs we think have been done to us or seeking retaliation for insecurities we create ourselves… we become toxic. Life isn’t as black and white as we’d all like to think. You can’t blame others for your own mistakes, or rather you can but the outcome will never come close to a resolution. Instead you become bitter, angry with a continual thirst to validate your own poison. Sure you can blame others, pretend you have no blood on your hands, but it doesn’t change the stains, the rot growing inside your heart or the blackness overcoming your life.

The key to understanding is simply letting it go. We can’t make everyone like us or love us for that matter. My thoughts, love those who seek to harm you but keep them at a distance. I was raised believing we don’t have to like the sin, but we surely love the sinner. So, let’s break that down. Even if you don’t believe in the Bible, there’s a lesson to be applied here. None of us have to like anyone or anything, nor do we have to accept any of whatever nonsense we feel they are selling. But we should love them, never want harm to come to them or judge them from a higher pedestal. That’s not our place. It’s surely not mine. If someone wants to hate me, feels a need to destroy me, then that’s on them. It’s not my burden to bear, not my poison to drink.  And that’s exactly what hate and fear are, poison!

Please understand I do not say any of this from arrogance, but from a place of modest confidence. I cast off those chains, I will not be bound to hate or fear. I do not apologize for who I am, nor do I ask this of anyone else. I was a strong willed little girl, and I am a strong independent woman today. These qualities are not always welcomed. I'm a different cup of tea, and I like it that way. Love me; hate me, it’s your choice. Personally I choose love, acceptance and happiness.  My life is my own.  It’s not on display nor will I rearrange it.  I am not broadcasting on a public channel for anyone’s criticism or applause. I do not need acceptance from the crowd. Why you ask, well because I have applied this little thing called self-worth to my life.  I am simply living life, no ands, if’s or buts about it. Yes, I have fought my own demons. My marriage was tried, but we came out of the fire strong. 

Go on, throw your stones; they will continue to fall short of their target. I say this to those who scoff at me, call me a fake, believe I have no happiness or joy in my life, you are wrong.  If you must fight yourself, then do so knowing your wounds are self-inflicted. After what I have faced these last few years, the struggles, the battles and the recovery from such said things, I chose hope, I chose joy and I chose genuine happiness. Simply said my life is self-evident of this. I will not be drawn into the darkness of self-destruction.  Believe me I have already been there, done that.  So this is my declaration: I am strong. I am courageous. I am not ashamed nor am I afraid. As one of my favorite quotes says, “Kind heart, fierce mind, brave spirit.”


~ Christina

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