What is your why? Do you know why you're here? How have you figured out or come close to clarifying your purpose? Or have you ever just stopped and looked around at your life and had an “ah ha” moment? You know the, I get it now; “bing, bing, bing”, light goes off reality check moment? Ever realized it wasn’t about you, but who your life is meant to impact? Over the years I’ve found myself considering my real, true purpose in life. I mean what do I contribute, what do I have to offer? Honestly, if we’re going to really get into it, why was I created in the first place, what can I bring to this great big world? Truthfully, I don’t think I ever really knew the answer until I heard the beating of my children’s heart right under my own.
See when Johnny and I married we knew we wanted to be parents, to start our family early. We talked for hours about the importance of family, of sharing our youth with our children and never being too busy to play with them. So from the moment Joshua and Micah were conceived we knew life was going to change. I can’t honestly explain what being a Mom means to me. For Johnny, being a dad has been an incredible journey. Becoming parents, well it’s changed his life and mine. Honestly, as I’ve watched Johnny through the years with our boys, I’ve come to love him so much more. The reality is no parent is perfect, we try with all our hearts to love our children, to show them unconditional love, teaching them to to be good people in all those small, sometimes awkward moments as we fumble through parenthood without an instruction book.
Looking back I never doubted I would be a mother, but the truth is I wasn’t always sure how I’d get there. For years I was uncertain if I’d be given the opportunity to have children of my own, given my long history with diabetes. But then, by God’s grace before I knew it I not only had one little boy running around in diapers but two. The blessing of being a stay at home mom was an unbelievable gift. I was there for all our boys’ major moments in life. How can I forget Joshua taking his first steps at Disney MGM Studios just after his first birthday? Or the morning I came in to grab Micah from his crib and heard him say, “It’s about time mama. “ Seriously he was just 10 months old. I spent hours playing with our boys, teaching them to color and to sing. Johnny and I brought them up on Disney, Star Wars and comic books. We chased dragons with swords in our hands, defended Lego cities with capes and masks on, dressed up like pirate’s, fished until dark, ran around after basketballs and baseballs and filled ourselves up with chocolate milk and goldfish. Life was good. These days, life is still good with the exception I’m looking at boys who’ve grown into men. Joshua, at nearly 20 years old is just a couple inches shorter than Micah, at 17 and I can barely keep their hallow legs full. Yep, I’m still chasing my children’s dreams alongside of them, except now I’m learning to let go as they spread their own wings. And yes, I’m still buying goldfish for my hungry boys, but they tend to pour their own chocolate milk these days.
Life Lesson # 59 is about finding your purpose, knowing exactly why you were created. Our reasons, our purpose, even our flashes of understanding may be very different from each other but there’s one common detonator, selflessness. I found my moment when I realized it wasn’t about me. Just like Tony Evans says, “When you realize God’s purpose for your life isn’t just about you, He will use you in a mighty way.” Yes, I know my purpose. Do you know yours? Those “ah ha” moments tend to find us when we least expect them. Ester 4:14 says it this way, “Perhaps this is the moment for which you’ve been created.” The day our boys were born, my heart knew this life was no longer about me; it was about raising our two boys to become men who aren’t just here to pass through this world, but to change it.
They say, “Happiness is when you realize your kids are turning out to be really good people.” Now I know we're all are a bit prejudice when it comes to our kids. After all, they are an extension of us. If they hurt, we hurt. It’s just how it is right? But I can say without hesitation, our boys, have turned out to be unique, quirky, good people. The truth is life has been far from easy. Believe me we’ve failed our boys more times than I’d like to count. But God hasn’t failed them. He knew all our faults. He knew the struggles we’d face raising our children, understood how imperfect as parents we would be and still chose to answer our prayers anyway. He knew fully well what our burdens would be, what sins and triumphs we were destined to faced. In spite of it all, God knew our purpose as parents was to raise two mighty men, strong willed with untamed spirits so He could use them in ways we could only imagine. Truly 1 Samuel 1:27-28 is a mirror reflection of my heart if any scripture has ever been, “I prayed for this boy, and the Lord gave me what I asked from him. So now I give this boy back to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is given to the Lord.”
I go back and forth between wishing my babies could stay little forever and being excited to see them grow up. I want nothing more than to protect them, to keep them safe from this world. But I can’t hold back the hands of time can I? I’m excited, scared and ready at the same time to witness all the amazing things our boys will do with their lives. Looking to the future I don’t have to imagine what Joshua and Micah will become or who they will be. By God’s grace I’ve already been given this gift. I know the men they are now, and because of that I’m blessed. True, I don’t know all God has for them yet, the struggles or the accomplishments, but I don’t need to. All I have to do is trust Him, have faith as Ester did. My purpose is abundantly clear and those two amazing reasons call me mom. I’m firmly trusting in God’s promise; He alone holds their lives in His hands. His Word will not come back void. After all, He promises, “I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.” ~Jeremiah 29:11