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In a nut shell : I'm a full time working mom, a Star Wars geek, comic book nerd, Disney enthusiast, hockey Mom, a breast cancer survivor of almost a decade and oh let's not forget such a happy, sassy, southern mess!

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Life Lesson #81 ~ Me and You

Love, it’s almost indescribable. Love can hurt but then love can heal. Love can drive us bat crazy and then sooth our insane madness.  Some days we may be at our wits end and the next in blissful euphoria. It’s just how love is. Bonkers at times, yes but mostly we are one another’s happy place are we not? The truth is, we laugh a lot, maybe fuss a bit but when Johnny puts his fingers through mine I melt. As the day begins and ends, our love always leads us to each other. After over 20 years of marriage we’ve learned above all, we’re as human as it gets. We’ve seen each other’s worst, believe me.  The bottom of the barrel kind of bad and we’ve stayed.  Why? Well the storms of life, they will come there’s no doubt. The cracks of uncertainty will spread across your walls, maybe even throughout your foundation but “there is no challenge strong enough to destroy your marriage as long as you are both willing to stop fighting against each other and start fighting for each other.” in my opinion, Dave Willis is absolutely spot on in his quote.

Marriage is tricky sometimes; it’s a tango of trust and faith. Stepping on toes, moving too slowly or too quickly has different outcomes. The problem is we expect perfection many times when we aren’t anywhere close to it ourselves. Life isn’t easy so why in this great big world of chaos do we think love is? My own marriage has been a dance, a tango. Giving, receiving and many times just waiting. Perfect love, not a chance, but genuine, authentic love, you bet!  We don’t have to look for better days, we have them. We just have to appreciate them. All it takes is pushing through the world’s idea of perfect love and defining our own solutions for those crummy days. Setting boundaries, expressing our needs, and even admitting our failures will lead us to amazing, imperfect but one of a kind love. Simply by closing the door on Hollywood and their scripted pipe dreams, actual true love can be found. Really it can. How, well it’s built brick by brick. Is it easy? Heck no. Not in the slightest and if it is, check your foundation and quickly. What I’ve learned many times the hard way is this, “A strong relationship requires choosing to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other.” (diaryofpsuchology.blogspot.com)

Each relationship is different, not one has the same footprint. And that’s what we need to remember when we are evaluating our own relationships, our marriages and visions of true love. Just because roses and chocolates work for Jack and Sally doesn’t mean they will for Ann and Andy. What we think looks like perfection may actually be corroding under the surface. This is what I’m really talking about. Comparing ourselves, our love lives and relationships can be devastating. We have to put the work into ourselves just as much as we do into our relationships or they can deteriorate and crumble under our feet. The Happy Wives Club book says it best I think, “No relationship is all sunshine, but once you’ve learned how to play in the rain, you’ve discovered the secret to surviving the passing storm.” Johnny and I have survived our share of storms, it’s true. From Breast Cancer, job loss and having our marriage fall apart, we’ve been there front and center. Has it been easy? Nope, not in a million years, but let me make this very clear it has ALL been worth it. Have we been broken, in pieces and had our foundation collapse? Yes we have, there’s no denying that. Have we spent time in an emotional straight jacket together, gone cuckoo, even buggy, oh yes we have, every last bit of it.  I’m not proud, it’s true. But if it’s true love, then the odds are 2 to 1 you’re definitely each other’s kryptonite. That being said, love isn’t a game, it’s a gift.  It isn’t something we opt out of because the going gets tough. Love is something we stand by, we grow and we become equal partners in. Love, in its truest form ultimately shows mercy even when pain and weariness seep in. Joel 2:25 says it as clearly as can be said, “God can restore what is broken and change it into something amazing. All you need is faith.”

Life Lesson #81 ~  me and you together is where we’re meant to be. In the good times and bad, we’re connected, to have and to hold for better or worse. “Home is where you will hear love within the stillness.” The author of this quote, Raquel Franco,  is really very wise.  This is something which took me years to fully understand. In our stillness God has made all things new, calmed every fear, proclaimed every triumph, healed every hurt and made known every joy. In the process of restoring what man tried to put asunder God completely joined together, never to be separated. And in doing this, Johnny and I have found genuine, real and true love. We’ve learned to laugh, to cry, to have fun, to argue without injury,  to compromise, to ask questions instead of accusing and to make peace before going to sleep. After all, “The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself.”

So baby, kiss me, pull me closer, nestle up on the couch and sit a spell. Let’s make plans, let’s be quiet but mostly let’s simply just be me and you. You’re “my love, my life, my lover, my best friend, my laughter, my soul mate and my one and only.”


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